By Douglas Maxwell

ALAN
Did I tell yous that Tina’s pregnant?

Came as a bit of a shocker I can tell you. I’d been away at a battle re-enactment thing. I’d been helping out some of the English Civil war mob down in the black country somewhere. Their organisation was an absolute disgrace. Really it was a fiasco. Most folk don’t even know what side they were on and the kit was just bits of cardboard and Halloween costumes. Anyway, I was meant to be away all weekend but I just headed home Saturday night. I got home to find Tina lying on the bed, greeting her face off. Just crying and crying and crying. She wouldn’t say what the hell was wrong. My heart was beating man, I tell you, I thought she’d got cancer or something. She eventually told me she was up the duff. Well I said that’s good news! We can afford it, we’ve got room, good job, we’re happy and everything. She ... she said she didn’t want my baby. She loves me and everything, she just doesn’t want my baby. (Pause) Dr McCulloch says it happens all the time. Chemicals released into the body and everything. It’s difficult. I’ve to give her room. So I’m in the hut most nights building stuff and thinking about things. She’ll come around. Hope.